The first month

This is my first day alone with Rose. I'm holding it together, but there is a simmering queasiness in my stomach. For the last six weeks I have had my Mum to help me with everything from endless cups of tea to burping duty. I have had it easy. Reality begins today. Not that it has been difficult so far, though it is only 12.48. She is down for her lunchtime nap, I have managed to take us all out for Gus's lunchtime walk and I've even emptied the dishwasher. I'm still just waiting for to all to crumble. Hopefully, I will become more confident as the time goes by.

So not only am I officially a mother, I am also officially a stay-at-home mother (until February anyway.) After a summer of complaining about being bored, I now feel very comfortable with my lack of work responsibility. There is not one ounce of me that misses working. The social side definitely, but the graft absolutely not! Time, however, is flying. February will be here before I know it so I'm making an attempt to record the best bits.

The six weeks with Mum allowed me to watch and learn an expert. I have gleaned so many indispensable bits of advice. The bath and massage was a highlight. They recommend that you give newborns only one or two baths a week as their skin can dry out very easily. Rose's first bath was unforgettably fantastic. We filled the kitchen with the essential bath time equipment - bath, infant insert, baby wash, wash clothes - two for body, one for face, two hooded towels, changing mat, clean onesie, two nappies, massage lotion and baby. It amazes me how much stuff is needed. We strip Rose down. I'm completely clueless about how it is going to work, Brent is armed with camera and staying out of the way and Mum takes control. We all hold our breath as Mum lowers a pink naked Rose into the bubbles. We wait for the wail. And wait. She absolutely loves it. Sitting like a queen, she takes everything in as Mum confidently and I nervously pour water over her little legs, tummy and arms. The crying starts when we take her out. It has been the same for every bath time since. We now pour jugs of water on her head and she just looks at us with her huge eyes. She's a superstar and we're are getting more confident thanks to Mum.

A review of the first month has to unfortunately include our hospital stay. I don't really want to write about it. Rose came home on day three and was straight back in the hospital on day four because of bad jaundice. We were in CHOP NICU for five days and it sucked. The care was too good - the jaundice was cleared up in two days, but we were kept in because of a concern with her blood oxygen level. She was connected to beeping machines, pricked and prodded constantly, covered in wires so each time I looked at her I wanted to cry. She was absolutely fine, but the last thing I wanted to see was my brand new daughter in a ICU. A tough week. We were finally sent home with a heart rate monitor that has been a royal pain. We are meant to have it on constantly, but that means more wires. We now only put the thing on at night and Rose is wire free during the day. It makes cuddling so much easier and we are convinced that the whole thing is unnecessary anyway. Hopefully, they will free us from the monitor and it's wires soon!

Rose is now almost 10 pounds and looks chubby. Her cheeks and chin are downright flabby! She is giving Dad the occasional smile - none for Mum yet. I think that means that she doesn't love me. I'm feel content and a little smug that my beautiful little girl is asleep upstairs and I get to look after her. But we'll see how the rest of today goes.