super cling

R and i went to a small playgroup this morning. There were five or six other children there. She left my lap for maybe five minutes of the two hours we were there. She cried when another child came near her, whined when another child touched the toy she was playing with and moaned when another child interacted with me. She sat on a blanket during snack time, but needed me immediately behind her. All of the other children were happy to interact together and move away from their parents. I have a super shy, clingy little girl. Is it shyness or insecurity? Is it me? I know that she plays with other children while she is in nursery. Maybe it is a combination of both. Both B and I were shy children, and even now social events intimidate me. When I am home, I always play closely with her. Also, maybe I just need to accept her timid temperament. But I want her to be secure enough with herself and her situation to venture off on her own.

After getting home from playgroup feeling embarrassed and a little saddened by R's behaviour, I opened my email to see my weekly "your child this week" email. The main article was about "what to do when my toddler won't leave my side at the playground". It seems I am not alone in dealing with the super cling. The advice is to not overwhelm the child with too many people (I don;t thing five or six other kids is too overwhelming), to praise any act of independence ("wow, you just went down the slide all by yourself, what a big girl" and to feign exhaustion (pretend I'm too tired to play and she should play on her own). All of these seem totally appropriate and worth giving a whirl.

Obviously, R. is an observer, not a jump in without thinking child. I value and respect that quality. But as a mother, I want to to get the most out of everything and I'm saddened, and a little embarrassed, when she moans and clings when another child comes into her personal space. My first thought after leaving playgroup today was to not return. This, I now realize, is ridiculous. It is a safe and secure environment and we need to keep going, for R and for me. All parents want their children to need them, I just want my child to need me a little less.