pencils and penises

To set the scene. I have been going to a life drawing class for two weeks. I've wanted to do one of these classes ever since my Art A level and somehow never got round to it until now. Unfortunately it's not because my artistic juices are overflowing, instead it is a very obvious attempt to meet some people.

So along I go with a big pad of newsprint under my arm and my brand new, not yet out of the packaging, pastels, charcoal and pencils. The class is on the top floor of a four storey beast of a house. There are only 6 of us with a very cool-arty teacher called Robyn, who wears dungarees covered in paint splattered and a farmers cap, made famous by the charvers of the world. As it is the second week, we are all still a little unsure of each other - I mean we are there to stare at a naked body for two hours.

Everyone sets up their easel, struggles to get it to the right height, finds a drawing board, puts the board on the easel, adjusts the height again. Then tapes some paper up on the board and organises sparking utensils in a neat row within reaching distance. There's small chat about the storms, charcoal and the insanely hot temperature in the room. (No one had turned the air con on before we got there.) And then Robyn announces that she was going to get him. Me being me exclaims "it's a him!" - not because I was squeamish about drawing a man but because I'd only ever done (ha ha ha) women before. Robyn gives me an amused look and calls in the model.

Next thing - in walks a fifty-ish, slim, naked grey haired gentleman very very quickly. In the split second it took him to get from the door to the little stage for the models, it was impossible not to watch the fully formed rocking erection that led him into the room. He then took his place on his podium facing forward with his third eye staring at us all. It was hilarious. The poor guy stood there in 100 degree heat while we started to draw and you could tell from his face he was screaming in his head "Go down, Go down, Go down".

It did go down....Eventually.

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Thinking: I'm happy to be a woman

Listening to: the hilarity of American Football commentary. The woman down on the line just claimed she "had just talked to an expert in medicine and science"