Padding, wings, and puffs

The Super Bowl – the biggest sports event in the world. Right? 211 million people are expected to watch it so it’s got to be good...right? I hate to say it but I’m excited about seeing this thing. I have got into American football so there is a slight interest in the sport but it’s the hype, wardrobe malfunctions, glitz and advertisements I’m really looking forward to. I have my cold beer, cheesy puffs open and wings are in the fridge. I’m ready.

It has just opened with Stevie Wonder, joined by his family (including young child on drums) John Legend, Joss Stone and India Erie. Stevie Wonder is FANTASTIC but why is he there? And Joss Stone…how, why?

Classic commenter comment no. 1: “Motown is ready for some football” – yeah baby! John Motson just wouldn’t say this stuff.

This year it’s in the Detroit superdome, just like the now infamous one in New Orleans. It’s a climate-controlled, fake-grassed wonderland where the Pittsburgh Steelers are about to play the Seattle Seahawks. United, Rovers and even Wednesday just can’t compete with names like that - especially when compared to my personal favorites, the Pennsylvania Quakers, the St Louis Billikins, the North Carolina Tar Heels – what is their mascot, a big boot? My super bowl prediction: Seahawks 34 Steelers 28.

American football seems to be rugby with extra padding. Both teams have a defensive team and an offensive team (pronounced De-fence and Off-fence). So there are around 40 people on a team. One offense starts with the ball and tries to get it down the field to score a touchdown, the opposite teams defense tries to stop them. Then they switch. Each team also has a kicker whose job is to kick off and score field goals– he doesn’t do anything else. Why one of the umpteen defense or offense can’t kick is known only to the American football Gods.

Classic commenter comment no. 2: “Well what do you know a game is about to break out.” – genius.

We’re off. 10 minutes in and Bud Light is dominating the ads, the game is scoreless. The players introduce themselves on this talking head type graphic and football players just aren’t very pretty. But some of the arses are wonderful – beautifully cocooned in their tight tight trousers.
Seahawks have scored a field goal and half of the wings have gone. I’m feeling a little sick and unimpressed with the game so far. 1st quarter over.

2nd quarter. Someone just got injured.
Classic commentator comment no 3: “You don’t know if that’s an ankle a head or something in between.”
Bud is still winning the advert competition. To have a 30 second ad in the super bowl it costs 5 or 6 million dollars. Companies will start a new campaign with their super bowl advert so I’m hoping for good things because so far the ads over here have been terrible. There are more adverts for prescription medicine than anything else. Everyone’s a doctor over here. You get looked down on if you ask for an aspirin and don’t specify which brand.

Half time. No boobs just a 63 year old gyrating with no satisfaction.

It’s now the forth quarter and I have lost interest in the Super Bowl. Pittsburgh is winning 21 – 10 and I have reorganized my wardrobe and the furniture in our bedroom, read some of the paper, done the washing, and drank some more beer. 4 hours is just too long for a game, except Monopoly of course.

My first Super Bowl has just finished and Pittsburgh won 21 –10. I wonder how many of the 211 million made it to the end? Roll on the World Cup.