with work still comes stress

I had a knot of anxiety in my chest all day yesterday. Two of my five classes on Tuesday did not go well; they had a combination of poor lesson planning and defiant attention grabbing students. I spent hours reading, thinking and planning about classroom management, regaining control and improving the lessons. I also spent all that time being angry with myself. Why was I letting it get to me? Why could I not forget about school and concentrate on my daughter? At one point I found reading a management book while sitting next to Rose. Not good. My focus needs to be on her.

I know that wanting to be a success is not a bad thing. I just don't want my work life to encroach on my family life in the way it did yesterday. This is probably the impossible balance that so many mothers are striving for. How can you juggle being a Mum and being a working woman? I want to be a good role model for Rose. I want her to know that playtime is just that, work time happens at another time. I need to get better at this. No more working while Rose is up, no more checking email while Rose it up. Really, there is nothing to check.

I do need to make sure we get out and do something each day - being in the house all day long is difficult. There is a good network of Mums in the neighborhood - we are all going through the same conflicts with work and motherhood and it is so helpful to hear other people's stories. This is what makes me so angry with myself. I am in a fabulous position - 2 days of work a week. I need to get some perspective and get out of my head. There are much more important things to think about than a couple of defiant teenagers - I have a daughter now.