cut down so early in life

For my mummy book club I am reading "What Our Mother's Didn't Tell Us" by Danielle Crittenden. The first paragraph of chapter two, titled "Love", included the following quote: "- if such a young woman decides to get married, say, before she is twenty-five - she risks being regarded by her friends as a tragic figure, spoken of the way wartime generations once mourned the young men killed in battle "How unfortunate, with all that promise, to be cut down so early in life."" (p. 60) That's me. I have never before thought of myself as a tragic figure, but I wonder how many others have thought of me that way.

I am the only wife and mother in my circle of friends. I am an anomaly. Maybe this explains why it has been so hard for me to find close girl-friends. I have made choices that alienated me from everyone else; such as, a long-term relationship with a man living in a different country, a wedding at 23, a new life in a foreign country, a baby at 27. I'm certainly not a stereotypical profile for the pages of Cosmopolitan. But, have I got it all wrong or has everyone else got it all wrong?

The choices I have made have led me to a life where I am in love, happy, financially stable and secure. I don't think I can say the same about any of my friends. Some people would accuse me of taking the easy route; they may say I found a man to look after me and avoided any of the real work that comes with making it alone, or surviving independently by securing a good job and home on your own merit. There is a part of me that would agree, but why do we now have to prove our womanhood by "making it alone". I do not think that this is making women happier or more fulfilled. Of course some women thrive on independence and drive, while others require support and status-quo. I, without any premeditation, have managed to end up with the best of both worlds - support and personal success. I am not a soldier cut down in his or her prime.

Ultimately, I am happy that Rose will grow up a world where she will have the choice to become a modern independent woman or a more traditional codependent woman or anywhere in between. But, I hope, when she is making he decisions, nobody is judging her choices and comparing her to dead soldiers.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/28/magazine/28FOB-WWLN-t.html