all alone

Thirty minutes ago, I was bathing Rose upstairs, while Brent bathed Tom downstairs. Now, I'm all alone, kids are in bed and Brent is on his way to the airport to catch his flight to London. To interview at Oxford University. Everything feels off. Normal Saturday has turned into silent, unnerving Saturday.

Here are the different scenarios:
No tenure, no Oxford = Continue at Penn, but apply for other jobs
Tenure, no Oxford = Stay in Philly and probably move into a better school district
No tenure, Oxford = Move to England (right?)
Tenure, Oxford = fucking huge, difficult decision impacting not only us, but my family as well.

My Buddhist book warns against worrying about future decisions as it just causes suffering. And from looking at this list, there is absolutely no point in letting myself get carried away with thoughts of upsetting people, moving house, etc. as, at this point, the decsion is not yet our to make. It is, however, amazing how time can alter the strongest feelings. Just a few months ago, after the Christmas trip, I was sure I wanted to move to back to the UK. Now, I'm not so sure. Urgh, I'm going to try not to worry about this. I will instead concentrate on the things I can control: looking after squidge and bean while Brent is away.